WHAT SHOULD WE DO/DON'T AFTER BREAKUP

 WHAT SHOULD WE DO/DON'T AFTER BREAKUP

What makes heartbreak even worse is that the pain it elicits goes on for much longer than pain typically associated with physical injuries. When you break your leg, it hurts terribly in the moment but minutes or hours later when your bones are set, the pain goes down to a dull throb. But the emotional pain caused by heartache lasts days, weeks, or even months.

One of the main reasons it takes so long to recover from heartbreaks is people usually indulge in thoughts and behaviors that might feel natural and compelling but actually make things worse.

If you want to stop hurting sooner rather than later, here are 7 mistakes to avoid:

 One of the tasks of getting over someone is to take them off the pedestal and de-idealize both them and the relationship. If the person broke your heart, either they and/or the relationship simply were not as amazing as you thought. Therefore, you have to change your perceptions of who the person was to realistically include the various flaws and character defects they displayed during the breakup process. Romanticizing the person even further and dwelling on the good times will only make it harder and more painful to deal with the reality of the breakup.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO/DON'T AFTER BREAKUP

If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed By Emotion

This is your mind panicking to get rid of emotions it cannot understand. The mind likes to understand things but can never understand the heart. Hearts have no logic.

So, abandon trying to comprehend what happened or why. After all, at this stage, is there anything your ex could say or do that would change how you feel?

Befriend the part of you that gets emotional. Don’t beat it up. It’s normal and healthy to feel how you feel. You’re alive!

Besides, emotion shows you have a heart and would not wish the same sorrow on others. This aspect of your personality is to be treasured. Wouldn’t you love it in anyone else?

So, instead of trying to quash emotion, ask “Is it possible for me to feel like this and still be okay?” Because your heart is stronger than you know; it is designed to handle being broken.

 

 

Avoiding new romantic opportunities. Of course you shouldn’t throw yourself into Dating when your heart is still freshly broken but you should also be proportionate in how long you give yourself to "grieve" and "get over" someone. If you only dated for two months it is neither necessary nor wise to take six months off from dating anyone else. Give yourself a reasonable deadline and then get "back in the game" once that amount of time has passed.

Withdrawing from those who love and value you.  By avoiding the people who love and value you, you are depriving yourself of their caring, love, and concern, which are important for your self-esteem and recovery. Even if you don’t feel fully up to it, connect with people who care about you. Feel free to ask them to avoid discussing the breakup if you prefer not to talk about it.

Keeping painful reminders around you. It’s tempting to keep reminders of the person or relationship around you—photographs, mementos, social-media messages, gifts—remember that such items are also a vivid and constant reminder of the relationship and as such can also be very painful. While it might not be necessary to purge every reminder of the person, give thought to whether having such items around is preventing you from moving on, and to the extent to which it might be best to remove them from view.

 

 

 

 

Loving Someone Does Not Mean You Should Be With Them

It also doesn’t mean that they’re good for you. Face this reality squarely. You can have a happy life, even with great sorrow in your heart, even while carrying loss.

Physically, your body is probably keeping going just fine and it’s only your mind that has the problem. Its idea that “things should have been different” conflicts with what actually happened, so it wedges your mental wounds open.

This is exactly how it should have been. This is exactly how it is.” Shrug while saying it. Facing the truth is difficult. As a result, life may feel more painful, yet perhaps also more peaceful, because conflict with it is reduced.

 

Taking a break from activities you enjoy. Naturally you might not feel like doing the things you used to enjoy when your heart is still aching, but here, too, you should set a deadline for a reasonable amount of "mourning" time, and then reengage in those things even if you don’t really feel like it. Avoiding such activities deprives you of important distractions and squelches important aspects of who you are as a person. On the other hand, engaging in activities you used to enjoy, even if you can’t fully enjoy them yet, will help reconnect you to your core self and the person you were before the breakup.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO/DON'T AFTER BREAKUP